Aesthetic Realism Consultant Nancy Huntting

Julia Roberts and Aaron Eckhart in "Erin Brockovich"

From the film "Erin Brockovich"

Aesthetic Realism Seminar
The Most Popular Mistakes about Love—& How Not to Make Them!
by Nancy Huntting

Mistake #4: We Don't Have Enough of a Desire to Know

A fundamental mistake women make is not wanting to know the man they hope to love. We haven't felt it was necessary or even that men were worth knowing too deeply; the main thing is how he treats us. This is contempt, and it ruins relationships. Mr. Siegel writes in Self and World these sentences, some of the most valuable and kind ever written: 

Love is the giving to a person of all that which is coming to him or her; nothing which is not deserved; everything which is. For that, a constant, comprehensive, intense desire to know a person is necessary. 
Julia Roberts as Erin BrockovichOne of the most romantic scenes between George and Erin shows the beauty of the desire to know. Erin is driving home late one night, and on a cell phone calls George asking him to keep her awake. He tells her that her baby, Beth, has said her first word, ball. As we hear George's voice, in awe, and moved, describing this event, we see Julia Roberts' face, excited, tremulous, moved, her eyes welling with tears. 

George: It was pretty intense, you know—seeing somebody's first word; all the words they're saying in their life, that's the first word she says. She's pointing her little finger, with her beautiful, soft, chubby little arm, and her little cheeks. You should have seen Matthew and Katy and me—we must have just stood there for three or four minutes and looked at her; and she had her arm out like that—ball. It was great.

This is about Beth as standing for all babies, and the large meaning of taking in the world, being able to give it form through a word. I think women seeing this respected the minds, the depths of men more. Erin can be proud to need George for bringing the world to her.

Later, however, we see the painful results of the lack of the desire to know between George and Erin. Because of her work, she is rarely home, and he feels put aside. He is waiting up for her with his bag packed, and says, sadly, "You've got to find a different job or a different man." Erin says she can't, that for the first time in her life people respect her. She refers to the selfishness of "the men who left me with the children," saying: "All I've ever done is bend my life around what men decide they need, I'm sorry, I won't do it."

George: "Well, Erin, I'm sorry. I'm not them. What more do I have to do to prove that to you? "
Erin (coldly): "Stay."
But George leaves, and we feel both George and Erin are making a mistake. Later, after Erin asks him, he comes back and she's glad, but feels she's given in. 

If Erin Brockovich Were to Have Aesthetic Realism Consultations

If Erin Brockovich were to have Aesthetic Realism consultations, and I hope the real-life Erin Brockovich does, her consultants might ask:

Consultants: Ms Brockovich, we agree that George shouldn't ask you to leave a job which is good for you and good for others. But do you think he could feel you don't want him to be directly useful to that work—you keep that part of your life separate from him? 
     Could you have said: "George, I want you to know how much this job means to me, because I can really be useful to people. I'm grateful for the way you take care of Matthew and Katy and Beth. I see I have made a mistake: I've acted as if I don't need your knowledge and encouragement in my work, and I do, very much."

Erin B: (thoughtfully) Maybe I haven't wanted him to be useful to me in my work.

Consultants: Do you think whenever a woman is against something in a man, she needs to be sure she is for what is best in him, or she is unjust? For example, in fighting against PG&E and the evil they've done, does your passion and your accuracy come from seeing what you are for — good lives for people? 

Erin B: Wow—does that make sense! All I knew at that moment was, I was against George. How could he ask me to leave that job! The kindness, the good in him no longer existed. But they do exist. I give him a hard time. Why do I?

Consultants: Do you want to respect him more, or do you like feeling you are superior? You are fighting for justice in a large, good way now. But do you think you've also liked to fight with people, in a narrow way, to prove you're better?

Erin B: You may be right there. I feel like I've been battling all my life, and I'm not proud of a lot of those fights.

Consultants: Have you had a history with men of feeling injured, then feeling you are justified in being angry and doing what you please, including punishing them? We can tell you that many women, including ourselves, have—and we are ever so grateful that through Aesthetic Realism, our desire for contempt was described and criticized! 

Erin B: Thank you. I feel my life will be more integrated as I have consultations. —And love can really succeed! 

This represents what women are learning right now in Aesthetic Realism consultations I am privileged to give with my colleagues. The education that magnificently explains and makes possible that age-old, thirsted-for thing, love, is here!

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