Most Popular Mistakes about Love—& How Not to Make Them!
#4: We Don't Have Enough of a Desire to Know
fundamental mistake women make
is not wanting
to know the man they hope to love. We haven't felt it was necessary or
even that men were worth knowing too deeply; the main thing is
he treats us. This is contempt, and it ruins relationships. Mr. Siegel
writes in Self and World these sentences, some of the
valuable and kind ever written:
Love is the giving
person of all
that which is coming to him or her; nothing which is not deserved;
which is. For that, a constant, comprehensive, intense desire to know a
person is necessary.
One of the most romantic scenes
and Erin shows the beauty of the desire to know. Erin is driving home
one night, and on a cell phone calls George asking him to keep her
He tells her that her baby, Beth, has said her first word, ball.
As we hear George's voice, in awe, and moved, describing this event, we
see Julia Roberts' face, excited, tremulous, moved, her eyes welling
you know—seeing somebody's first word; all the words they're saying
in their life, that's the first word she says. She's pointing her
finger, with her beautiful, soft, chubby little arm, and her little
You should have seen Matthew and Katy and me—we must have just stood
there for three or four minutes and looked at her; and she had her arm
out like that—ball. It was
This is about Beth
as standing for
all babies, and the large meaning of taking in the world, being able to give
it form through a word. I think women seeing this respected the minds,
the depths of men more. Erin can be proud to need George for bringing
world to her.
however, we see the
painful results of
the lack of the desire to know between George and Erin. Because of her
work, she is rarely home, and he feels put aside. He is waiting up for
her with his bag packed, and says, sadly, "You've got to find a
job or a different man." Erin says she can't, that for the first time
her life people respect her. She refers to the selfishness of "the men
who left me with the children," saying: "All I've ever done is bend my
life around what men decide they need, I'm sorry, I won't do it."
Erin, I'm sorry.
I'm not them. What more do I have to do to prove that to you? "
But George leaves, and we feel both
and Erin are making a mistake. Later, after Erin asks him, he comes
and she's glad, but feels she's given in.
Erin (coldly): "Stay."
Were to Have Aesthetic Realism Consultations
Erin Brockovich were to have
consultations, and I hope the real-life Erin Brockovich does, her
we agree that George shouldn't ask you to leave a job which is good for
you and good for others. But do you think he could feel you don't want
him to be directly useful to that work—you keep that part of your
separate from him?
This represents what women are
learning right now
in Aesthetic Realism consultations I am privileged to give with my
The education that magnificently explains and makes possible that
thirsted-for thing, love, is here!
you have said:
"George, I want you to know how much this job means to me, because I
really be useful to people. I'm grateful for the way you take care of
and Katy and Beth. I see I have made a mistake: I've acted as
I don't need your knowledge and encouragement in my work, and I do,
Erin B: (thoughtfully)
Maybe I haven't
wanted him to be useful to me in my work.
Consultants: Do you
think whenever a
woman is against something in a man, she needs to be sure
she is for
what is best in him, or she is unjust? For example, in fighting against
PG&E and the evil they've done, does your passion and your accuracy
come from seeing what you are for — good lives for
Erin B: Wow—does
that make sense!
All I knew at that moment was, I was against George. How could
he ask me to leave that job! The kindness, the good in him no longer
But they do exist. I give him a hard time. Why do I?
Consultants: Do you
want to respect him more,
or do you like feeling you are superior? You are fighting for justice
a large, good way now. But do you think you've also liked to
with people, in a narrow way, to prove you're better?
Erin B: You may be
right there. I feel
like I've been battling all my life, and I'm not proud of a lot of
Consultants: Have you
had a history with
men of feeling injured, then feeling you are justified in being angry
doing what you please, including punishing them? We can tell you that
women, including ourselves, have—and we are ever so grateful that
Aesthetic Realism, our desire for contempt was described and
Erin B: Thank you. I
feel my life will
be more integrated as I have consultations. —And love can really
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